ADHD Parenting: Tips & Tricks For Parents With ADHD

Can You Be A Good Parent When You Have ADHD?

Parenting doesn’t come with a manual, and this is even more true for those of us with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD). It’s a journey packed with rewards, yes, but it's also one requiring patience and skill. 😑But here’s the good news: not only can you be a good parent with ADHD, you can be a great one. 🥰

In this article, we'll discuss:

• The unique hurdles ADHD parents face, from emotional support to family logistics.
  

• The ins and outs of parenting children who also have ADHD.
  

• The concept of neurodivergent families, including diagnosis, organizational challenges, and treatment.
  

• Personal stories from two moms with ADHD (including Alice! 👋), sharing their struggles and strategies.
  

• Actionable tips for ADHD parents to communicate effectively, establish flexible routines, and celebrate neurodiversity.

Curious? Keep reading to discover how ADHD traits can actually be your parenting superpowers. ✨

What Is It Like To Be a Parent With ADHD?

Navigating parenthood with ADHD can be pretty bittersweet. 

Each day is a new adventure, filled with some moments that test your patience and others that fill your heart to the brim. 😍

The highs of parenting with ADHD can be extraordinary, offering moments of profound connection and creativity that might not be experienced in quite the same way otherwise. Your ability to think outside the box, your boundless energy, and your unique perspective on the world can make for memorable adventures, spontaneous fun, and deeply heartfelt conversations. 

It's these moments that remind you why this journey is so incredibly worth it. 💕

In saying that, it’s not always smooth sailing. Although being a parent is, of course, a blessing, the way in which our brain is wired can set us up against challenges that, while neurotypical parents might also face, can be extra tricky for us neurodivergent parents. 😬

Here's a look at what these challenges might entail. 👇🏽

• Struggling With Emotional Regulation: The emotional dysregulation that often accompanies ADHD can make it hard to consistently provide the emotional presence and support your children need. For example, you might find yourself overreacting to minor setbacks or withdrawing during stressful family moments due to feeling overwhelmed. 🤯
  

• Engagement in Family Activities: Keeping engaged and interested in family activities can be a struggle, impacting the parent-child bond. For example, starting a board game night might begin enthusiastically, only to end up with your attention drifting to unrelated thoughts or tasks halfway through, or becoming bored quickly. 🥱
  

• Executive Functioning: The executive function challenges associated with ADHD can complicate planning and adapting family routines. This might include repeatedly forgetting appointments, struggling to keep up with a consistent bedtime routine, or frequently being late for school drop-offs. 😩
  

• Organizing Family Life: Organizing supplies schedules and managing the logistics of family life is often more challenging. For instance, you may find yourself scrambling in the morning to locate your child's lost homework or sports equipment due to misplaced items. 🥵
  

• Child Safety: Ensuring your child's safety requires sustained attention, which can be impacted by ADHD. This challenge may manifest in moments of distraction that lead to leaving the gate open or not noticing a child climbing on something potentially unsafe. Understandably, this can lead to a lot of self-blame and low self-esteem - even though it's not your fault. 😢
  

• Maintaining Calm: ADHD symptoms like impulsivity and emotional intensity can make maintaining calm, especially in stressful situations, a significant challenge. This could mean struggling to remain composed during a child's tantrum or when dealing with unexpected changes to plans. 😭
  

• Consistency and Forgetfulness: Memory issues can affect how we enforce rules and consequences, which are crucial for setting boundaries. You might set a rule one day but forget to enforce it consistently, leading to confusion and mixed messages for your children. 🥴
  

• Effective Communication: Tailoring communication methods to be effective with your children and partner can be challenging, potentially leading to misunderstandings or feelings of frustration on both sides. 😡
  

• Building a Support Network: Creating and maintaining a network of support with other parents who understand the ADHD experience can be difficult, often leaving you feeling isolated in your parenting challenges. 🫣
  

• Seeking Professional Guidance: Recognizing the need for and seeking professional guidance is necessary for managing ADHD within the family context. However, taking that step can feel daunting for many parents, worrying about judgment or misunderstanding. 😶
  

• Sensory Sensitivity: An additional challenge for parents with ADHD, sensory sensitivity makes ordinary sounds, textures, and sights potentially overwhelming. This can lead to leaving noisy events early, feeling overstimulated by frequent touch, or becoming overwhelmed by bright lights. It subtly impacts various aspects of parenting and family life, possibly contributing to feelings of burnout and self-doubt. 😥

With all of these challenges in mind, it's important to understand that when you're juggling ADHD with bringing up children, you're essentially taking on double the mental load. 

In fact, recent research found that parents with ADHD face more psychological distress, lower wellbeing, and more difficulties in family functioning compared to those without - and this can be even more pronounced for parents also raising neurodiverse kids. 

You Asked Us…

Is parenting harder with ADHD?

Parenting with ADHD presents unique challenges, including staying organized and focused. However, relying on structured routines and getting social and professional support where possible means many parents with ADHD find effective ways to navigate these challenges and build a supportive environment for their children.

What About If My Child Has ADHD, Too?

ADHD's heritability suggests a significant genetic component, impacting the likelihood of children inheriting the condition. Studies indicate a substantial genetic risk: if both parents have ADHD, there's about a 40% chance their child will also have ADHD. The risk varies with one parent having ADHD, higher if the mother has it (21.1%) compared to the father (14.8%).

It's essential to recognize that the dynamics of ADHD within a family can vary significantly depending on who is affected by the disorder. 

When a parent has ADHD, the main challenge lies in managing their own symptoms while also fulfilling parenting duties. Conversely, when a child has ADHD, the focus shifts towards meeting the child's specific needs, such as creating structured routines, using time-outs to help with emotional regulation and relying on visual reminders to encourage good behavior and reduce instances where the child misbehaves.

When both the parent and child have ADHD, the situation becomes more complex. It's a unique scenario that combines the challenges of managing personal symptoms with the necessity of addressing the child's needs. This can lead to difficulties such as coordinating schedules to improve time management and developing skills to handle emotional and behavioral fluctuations. 

However, this shared experience also opens up opportunities for deep empathy and understanding as both parent and child navigate the intricacies of ADHD together. 🥰It's a journey that, despite its challenges, can strengthen the bond between parent and child.

You Asked Us…

Is ADHD completely genetic?

ADHD is not completely genetic; it involves both genetic and environmental factors. Studies show a significant hereditary component, but lifestyle, prenatal conditions, and social environment also play crucial roles in its development.

The Challenges (And The Beauty!) of Neurodivergent Families

Neuro-blended families, where either one or both parents and their children with ADHD have a great potential to foster a profound, empathetic connection. 👩‍❤️‍👨However, they can also encounter distinctive challenges that test resilience.

Some of these challenges might include:

• Synchronizing Energy Levels: Finding a balance between ADHD's hyperfocus and high energy levels can be a delicate dance for parents and their ADHD child alike. Aligning these cycles to establish a harmonious daily routine is often a challenge. 🥵

• ‍Homework Battles: Assisting with homework can become a contentious area, where a parent's difficulties with being easily distracted overlap with their ADHD child's similar struggles to stay engaged with tasks they find uninteresting. 😵‍💫
  

• Social Interactions: Parents with ADHD might find it challenging to impart social skills they haven't fully mastered themselves and may also find it hard to engage with other parents or assist their ADHD child in navigating trouble and conflict with other kids. 💔

• Emotional Regulation: ADHD affects emotional regulation for adults, kids, and teens. Parents might find it challenging to model appropriate emotional responses for their ADHD child or teen when facing similar issues. 🫣‍

• Time Management for Two: When you're a parent with ADHD, managing your own calendar is just the beginning - you're also responsible for what your child with ADHD needs to remember, too. Keeping organized and on track with time, deadlines, and appointments can be challenging. 🤯‍

• Self-Care: Parents might prioritize the needs of their child with ADHD over their own, neglecting self-care and management. This oversight can lead to burnout and decreased efficacy in managing both their own ADHD and that of their family. 🥴‍

• Medication Management: Parents with ADHD may find it challenging to keep up with filling prescriptions, scheduling medical appointments, and timely administering ADHD medication for their children with ADHD due to memory issues. 🤦

When Neurodivergent Families Are A Blessing In Disguise

Despite these challenges, neurodivergent families possess a unique strength rooted in their shared experiences. 💕The empathy and understanding that, over time, can naturally develop in these families can create a strong, supportive bond. 🤜🤛

Parents and children alike learn to harness their ADHD as a source of creativity, energy, and problem-solving skills, often seeing the world in innovative and insightful ways. This shared journey can transform perceived weaknesses into strengths, turning each challenge into an opportunity for growth and deeper connection. 

Recognizing, embracing, and celebrating these unique perspectives can reveal the hidden blessings of being a neurodivergent family. 🥳

How Community Can Help Us Build Resilience

Regardless of your unique neurodiverse family dynamic, it's important to remember that you're not alone. The saying "it takes a village to raise a child" holds even truer with ADHD in the picture. Connecting with other parents on their neurodiverse parenting journey offers validation, a sense of community and shared skills, making the journey less isolating. 🥰

With that spirit of community in mind, we're diving into a special Q&A session with two moms who are each navigating the complexities of ADHD and motherhood. 

They're here to share their personal experiences- packed with insights, struggles, and achievements that many of us can probably resonate with. 👇

In Their Own Words: Conversations with ADHD Moms Alice & Jessa

What have been your biggest struggles as a parent with ADHD?

Alice

One of my biggest struggles as a parent with ADHD is getting interrupted all the time, because staying on track with any task has always been tough for me. 

Now, with kids, I get distracted way more often - it’s exhausting to keep redirecting my focus. For instance, if we’re planning to go to the park, I need to prepare snacks and a water bottle. But then, I might have to solve a sudden problem like “I took my socks off and can’t put them back on!” 🫣Before I know it, we’re at the park, and I’ve left the water bottle on my kitchen counter. 🤦

Getting sidetracked like this really drains my energy and messes with my memory, which doesn’t help with keeping the house organized - it just piles on to an already full plate of mental tasks.

Another challenge is staying calm in the chaos. Many of us with ADHD struggle with managing our emotions. When faced with a toddler, who is all about unpredictable moods, I have to be the calm one.

Jessa

Not knowing I had ADHD was a massive struggle for me. I think feeling overwhelmed, being in a neuro-blended family, and being painfully aware that nothing is automated for me as a person with ADHD was challenging. It's almost like, for both me and my kids, the world is extra tough to navigate. And as a parent, it's my role to help my kid, yet sometimes we're in the same boat. 

When they're having a sensory meltdown, and then their meltdown triggers mine, we're all struggling at the same time - it feels like I'm always running with less capacity because it's just harder to achieve the same things as others. 

I used to feel like I was a bad mom. At least now, I know there's a reason some of these things are hard, though I also attributed a lot of that to trauma. My late diagnosis means my neurodivergent kids are diagnosed much earlier than I was, which is a benefit for them, at least! 🥰

If you could go back in time, what tips, tricks, or guidance would you offer yourself as a new parent with ADHD? What do you wish you had known or done differently?

Alice

Getting my ADHD diagnosis before becoming a parent was a blessing. Not knowing about it would have made things so much harder. 

One thing I wish I’d realized sooner is that parenting is tough because it really is hard, and not because I was doing it wrong. 

In fact, the book ‘Hunter, Gather, Parent’ by Michaeleen Doucleff opened my eyes to this - I read it when my daughter was a year old, but I wish I had it during pregnancy. The book talks about how modern parenting expects too much from just one or two people. Although I don’t have a big family to lean on, understanding this was a relief. Doucleff also shares tips for fostering autonomous kids, like letting them explore on their own more. This approach is great for parents with ADHD since it can ease some of the pressure!

Dr. Siggie’s “Everything Toddler Course” was also a game-changer for me. It taught me to better understand and empathize with my child’s feelings, and how to handle my own emotions without getting overwhelmed. Honestly, it was like therapy, and I highly recommend it.

Jessa

If I could go back in time, I'd have a lot to say to myself as a new parent with ADHD. I'd reassure myself that I wouldn't miss out on the essentials and to not sweat the small stuff. It's okay for things to not be perfect, and it's absolutely fine to do what works for you if it means better mental health for me and a more stable environment for my kids.

I wish I had known how crucial it is to create your own path that works specifically for you and your family rather than trying to strictly stick to any one parenting philosophy or approach. It's about finding a balance that respects your needs as a person with ADHD and the needs of your children, whether that means medication for you or formula feeding for them.

Additionally, I'd tell myself to be more accepting of the intense sensory experiences that come with childbirth and parenting and to understand that it's okay to make choices that prioritize my own wellbeing, especially in terms of sensory needs. 

The fallout of ADHD paralysis and overwhelming sensory inputs can make meeting even your baby's basic needs challenging. It's important to find what helps you function best in order to be the best parent possible to your child.

What advice would you give to a parent who has just been diagnosed with ADHD?

Alice

First off, give yourself some time to process the diagnosis. Learning you have ADHD later in life can stir up a lot of emotions - anger, frustration, grief, relief, sadness. It’s a good idea to have some professional support to work through these feelings if possible.  

With the diagnosis in hand, it’s crucial to stop comparing your family to others. ADHD often runs in families, so you might have other neurodivergent family members. It’s time to figure out what works best for your family and let go of trying to meet everyone else’s expectations. Easier said than done, I know, but doing this can set a powerful example for your kids. Teaching them to be self-aware and to find their own way of doing things is one of the best gifts you can give them. 💕

Jessa

There's so much to unravel when you get diagnosed. You'll go through stages of hyper-research, doubting if you even have ADHD, to realizing you might need medication. It's like, ADHD is everywhere, and you start to see it in everything. Like Alice says, you’ll experience a mix of grief, anger, and relief.

Consider how your diagnosis affects your family dynamics, especially in relation to whether your partner is neurodivergent or neurotypical. There will be moments you feel less than and compare yourself to others, but then there are moments you'll see your family being absolutely quirky and authentically themselves, and it's beautiful. 🥹💕

Building a life perfectly tailored for you is one of the awesome things about ADHD. You'll always look for the happy, and you'll find it, creating a family and a home that's chaotically or subtly, beautifully happy, bespoke to your needs. Everyone is on their own journey, and my family brings something beautiful to the world.

You Asked Us…

What are the struggles of being a mom with ADHD?

Moms with ADHD may face struggles like maintaining organization, managing time effectively, trouble paying attention, keeping up with their child's schedule, and dealing with overwhelm. However, this depends on a range of lifestyle factors, such as how much social support they have.

Parenting When You Have ADHD: 10 Tips For Success

Managing ADHD while raising children demands a blend of empathy, strategy, and, sometimes, a bit of creativity. 😉

Here are a few helpful tips from our neurodivergent team who juggle ADHD alongside having a family. 👇

1. Understand and Communicate About ADHD: It's crucial to educate your family about ADHD's impact and discuss daily challenges openly. This helps normalize the experiences and develop a mutual understanding of each other. Extend this communication to your extended family if possible (and where relevant), fostering a sense of understanding and support.
   
   
2. Manage Expectations and Guilt: Recognize that having ADHD doesn't make you a bad parent. 🥰 Embrace your unique abilities to empathize, be creative, and set realistic expectations for yourself and your children. What you may perceive as giving your child a 'chaotic' home environment might, in reality, be something they reflect back on as full of joy, excitement, and love.
   
   
3. Structured and Organized Environment: Customizing your home to accommodate your ADHD, using visual aids like a color-coded calendar, and setting up designated 'drop zone' or command center spots for daily essentials can create order and reduce morning chaos. This can make you feel more in control and less overwhelmed, enhancing your overall wellbeing.
   
   
4. Effective Time Management: Use alarms and reminders to keep track of time and tasks. Prepare for the next day, the night before, to minimize anxiety and ensure a smooth start to your day.
   
   
5. Create Quiet and Calm Spaces: Designate quiet zones in your home for downtime to help you and your child recharge and manage sensory overload effectively. Depending on sensory needs, you might be able to establish a system with your partner and children (depending on their age) for when you or they need quiet time alone to return to baseline.
   
   
6. Outsource (If Possible): Outsourcing to the pros can be tricky, as parents have varied access to support and help. Hiring help, like a sitter, cleaner, or tutor, to manage particularly challenging times and tasks can be a game-changer, but we also acknowledge it's not financially possible for most families. 💕
   
   
7. Model Effective Stress Management: Model calm behavior during stressful situations to teach your child how to handle stressful situations and impulsivity. Utilize gentle parenting strategies to manage your emotions and help you self-regulate during meltdowns.
   
   
8. Stay Organized and Declutter: Regularly declutter your living space to minimize stress and distractions. Turn decluttering into a fun family activity by organizing a major clear-out of old toys before events like birthdays or Christmas. Donating these items to charity or passing them on can also teach your kids valuable lessons and model good behaviors in empathy and compassion.
   
   
9. Plan As A Family: Schedule regular family meetings to go over the week's activities and discuss upcoming events - particularly exciting ones. This keeps everyone informed and allows all family members to express their needs and concerns whilst also making planning a rewarding activity. As your kids grow, gradually increase their involvement in planning and organizing, which helps them learn to manage their own schedules and responsibilities. This is especially helpful for teaching life skills to teens.
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10. Embrace Vulnerability and Humor: Openly share your struggles and coping strategies with your children. Use humor to lighten the mood and maintain a positive perspective, showing your children that it's okay to be imperfect - this will boost your child’s self-esteem, particularly for children with ADHD.
    

Additional Resources

Most of the information online is targeted towards parents who have a child with ADHD, rather than those needing support with parenting when you have ADHD. 

With the increase in awareness of late diagnosis, there will (hopefully!) be more resources available for neurodiverse parents. But in the meantime, here are a few books, podcasts, and other resources our team has found helpful for balancing ADHD with family life. 👇

Books

• Hunt, Gather, Parent by Michaeleen Doucleff revisits traditional parenting methods by exploring those of ancient cultures such as the Maya, Inuit, and Hadzabe, focusing on cooperation, emotional intelligence, and self-sufficiency. Doucleff promotes a more intuitive and respectful approach to parenting. For parents with ADHD, this guide is precious as it offers structured, calm, and natural parenting techniques that can help in managing ADHD-related challenges.​
  
  
• A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD by Sari Solden and Michelle Frank empowers women with ADHD to break through barriers and discover their strengths. It focuses on strategies for managing daily life and embracing neurodiversity, with practical advice on overcoming societal expectations and self-imposed limitations​.
  
  
• Dirty Laundry: Why Adults with ADHD Are so Ashamed and What We Can Do About It by Richard Pink and Roxanne Emery addresses the shame often associated with adult ADHD and offers insight into how individuals can better manage their condition and improve their self-esteem.
  

Podcasts

• Beautifully Complex hosted by Penny Williams discusses the nuances of living with ADHD, providing a blend of personal anecdotes and expert advice, making it a valuable resource for understanding the complexities of ADHD.
  
  
• All Things ADHD & ADHD 365 by CHADD's Podcasts offer comprehensive insights into ADHD, featuring discussions with experts and individuals affected by ADHD, covering a range of topics from clinical advice to personal stories.
  
  
• More Attention, Less Deficit by Dr. Ari Tuckman provides practical tips and insights for adults with ADHD, focusing on improving attention and managing deficits. The podcast is informative and grounded in clinical experience.
  

Blog Articles

• When Parent and Child Both Have ADHD
  
  
• Calling Dads with ADHD: How to Have a Calm, Loving Relationship with Your Child
  
  
• Advice for Moms with ADHD: Challenges, Solutions, and How to Find Your Own Path
  

The Mini ADHD Planner: A Practical Solution For Neurodiverse Families

The irony of ADHD is that many of us love planners - but we often struggle to stick to them, because they’re not designed for the way our brains work. 🧠

This is where The Mini ADHD Planner comes in; the ultimate planner designed specifically for the ADHD brain. This digital planner, recommended by psychologists and backed by evidence, helps turn daily tasks into rewarding achievements. It’s not just the top ADHD planner - it’s a breakthrough in productivity and self-care for the neurodivergent community. ✨

So, why is it perfect for busy and overwhelmed parents with ADHD? 

At first glance, the planner dazzles with its 2024 calendars, lifetime updates, and versatile layouts. But it's its unique features that make it an ideal companion for parents who navigate the complexities of ADHD on top of their family responsibilities.

These features include:

• Customized Productivity and Planning: Tailored daily, weekly, and monthly layouts break down overwhelming tasks into manageable chunks. The 'Do it with dopamine' templates turn routine parenting duties, from laundry to homework supervision, into moments of joy and achievement, lessening the burden of daily chores.

• Empowering Science Tips: The planner acts as a mini-psychoeducational tool, offering insights into the ADHD brain. For parents, understanding the nuances of ADHD and its impact on time management and motivation can be game-changing, enabling you to adapt strategies that work for you and your family.

• Remember Stuff - Essential Tracking Tools: Forget about missing playdates or pediatrician appointments ever again. The planner includes specialized trackers designed to keep the intricate details of your family's life organized and at your fingertips, ensuring nothing slips through the cracks.

• Nurturing Healthy Habits & Goals: Setting and maintaining family health and self-care routines is simplified. The planner provides practical steps and visual aids to help you track and build habits that support both your well-being and your family's, making goal-setting a less daunting task.
  

• Conscious Cash - Finances Made Easier: ADHD-friendly budgeting templates transform managing household finances from a stress-inducing activity into a structured, achievable process. This means less worry about finances and more focus on creating memorable moments with your family.

• Balanced Work & Focus: The planner introduces unique visual aids like The Hyperfocus Lotus and Productivity Power Petals, helping parents balance the demands of work and family. These tools serve as gentle reminders to take care of yourself, ensuring you remain both present and productive.

• Bonus Features for Creative Engagement: With 330 digital stickers and exclusive coloring pages, the planner invites you to engage creatively in organizing your life. These elements not only make planning more enjoyable but also offer a peaceful retreat from a hectic day, providing a small but significant oasis of calm.

In essence, The Mini ADHD Coach Digital Planner is more than just a tool for organization; it's a lifeline for busy and overwhelmed parents with ADHD. 

Its thoughtful design and specialized features offer a personalized approach to managing the complexities of family life, self-care, and productivity, making it the perfect companion for those looking to navigate the challenges of parenting with ADHD with grace, efficiency, and a touch of joy.

Final Thoughts

Remember, your struggles with ADHD are a part of your story, but they don't define your worth as a parent. 

It's okay to have rough days and to feel like you're in a juggling act that sometimes sends balls crashing down. It doesn't mean you're failing; it means you're human, and every effort you make is a testament to your dedication. 💕

Meet yourself with the same compassion you offer your children. You're managing a lot; sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is acknowledge that you're doing your best amidst the chaos.

There's no such thing as a perfect parent. So, embrace the beautifully complex journey of parenting with ADHD, where every challenge is an opportunity to learn and every success, no matter how tiny, is worth celebrating. 🥳

So, as you continue through this messy journey that we call parenthood 😂, take pride in the love and the unique energy you bring to your family. ADHD adds vibrant colors to your parenting palette, and with your creativity, resilience, and unwavering love, you're painting a perfectly imperfect family masterpiece. 🌈

Key Takeaways

• Parents with ADHD bring creativity, spontaneity, and profound connection to their parenting roles, enriching family life with memorable adventures and heartfelt conversations.
  

• However, ADHD also introduces challenges in emotional regulation, engagement in family activities, and executive functioning that affect daily family life.
  

• ADHD has a significant genetic component, meaning both parent and child might have ADHD. This creates unique challenges, but also opportunities for mutual understanding and acceptance of each other.
  

• Leverage your unique perspective and energy to keep you and your child on track, including:
  
  • Using structured routines to maintain consistency.
    
  • Keeping a family calendar to manage appointments and activities.
    
  • Implementing simple organizational systems, like designated spots for commonly lost items.
    

• Parenting with ADHD often means managing both your symptoms and the demands of parenthood, which can lead to greater psychological stress. 

With this in mind, it's important to:

• Seek professional guidance to develop coping strategies
  

• Build a support network of other parents who understand the ADHD experience.
  

• Prioritize self-care and professional support to manage your ADHD effectively, which in turn improves your capacity to care for your children.
  

• Set aside regular time for activities that help you recharge, like exercise, reading, or hobbies.
  

Parenting with ADHD is tough but also rewarding, filled with joyful and meaningful moments. Remember, you're not alone - connecting with others and sharing your journey can be incredibly supportive. We see you - keep going! 💪