Cultivating a Fulfilling Love Life with ADHD

ADHD & Love Life: Falling in Love Is Possible

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is a neurodivergent disorder that often gives us a hard time managing our emotions, feelings, and thoughts. The struggle in balancing these things can affect how we communicate with other people. As a result, the people around us may misunderstand how we express ourselves, further complicating relationships. 💏 

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At my younger age, when I was still clueless about ADHD and mental health, I often acted impulsively without thinking about how my actions might affect others. Sometimes, I also have emotional outbursts about things others may think are shallow or trivial. Having these ADHD symptoms, I was worried back then if there'd be a chance for me to have an intimate relationship. 

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Even to this point, I feel I'm lucky to have one. 😘

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Despite the fact that an adult with ADHD can experience different traits that may seem off with their non-ADHD partner, it is still possible to have a healthy relationship, just like neurotypical people do. The most common solution for a steady romantic relationship is to keep your communication open and understand that both of you have different ways of showing love. ❤️

ADHD Symptoms That Affect Romantic Relationships

Whether your partner is someone you don’t know much about or a long-time friend, the essential thing you can do remains the same: be honest with your romantic partner about your ADHD. Let them know about your struggles, troubles, and challenges with the neurodivergent condition. Tell them about the emotional roller coaster that non-adhd partners can experience - not to scare them away or stress them out, but to readily address issues that may occur in the future.

ADHD symptoms can play a part in how we maintain a relationship with our partner. There might be challenges, but ADHD and love life can mix well so long as we manage the symptoms and traits well. Here are some of the symptoms that may affect your relationship:

• Being Forgetful 😅
• Getting Easily Discouraged by Criticisms
• Overthinking and Getting Anxious
• Having Random Intrusive Thoughts
• Emotional Dysregulation

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There are still lots of difficulties that some people with ADHD can experience that might affect their romantic relationships. Things like novelty or being fond of something new can affect you and your partner. Impulsivity can also be a double-edged sword in a relationship as it can create excitement and problems for the couple at the same time. 

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There are other relationship struggles that people with ADHD can go through, but it is not impossible to overcome them. 

Being Forgetful of Small Details

When at least one person in the relationship is diagnosed with Predominantly Inattentive ADHD Type, being forgetful might be one of the things the couple will argue about. After all, an ADHD brain often daydreams and loses focus and attention, causing the person to be less mindful of things, particularly of little details.

Often, so many things go inside our heads that basic information, like important dates, favorite things, or preferences, might get lost somewhere. Even though we know the details and everything about our non-ADHD partner, there will be times when they would slip up out of our brain because we can get distracted by other things. 😵

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Paying attention to your partner, even those without ADHD, is essential for  healthy relationships. Knowing every bit of your partner's favorites and preferences can make you feel more connected to them. Talking with them about being forgetful might make them more compassionate if you ever forget special occasions or important events. 

Easily Discouraged by Criticisms

Have you ever been scolded by your partner because of a tiny mistake? Or did your partner correct you because you've been doing something wrong and you aren't aware of it? Our partners are the best person who can help us be the better version of ourselves. They know us more than anyone else, so their criticisms come from a place of love and wanting us to improve. ❤️

One of the common behaviors of people with ADHD is that we tend to be very sensitive when it comes to criticisms. Making mistakes can be an everyday struggle for many people with ADHD, and sometimes, we are not used to being corrected by anyone because we tend to see them as full-on judgment. 🥺 For us, criticisms are like rubbing salt on a wound, and sticking them to our face does nothing better.

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When you have a partner who truly cares for you and loves you entirely, they will not tell you things that make you feel bad about yourself. Instead, they will try to help you in the best way possible to grow and be a better person. Criticisms, especially the positive ones, can motivate you to do better next time and become a better version of yourself. Remember that your partner also wants to bring the best out in you. 😊

Overthinking and Getting Anxious

You most likely know that some adults with ADHD struggle to handle their thoughts. Our hyperactive brain tends to overthink things that might happen in the future or are already in the past. This can cause us a lot of anxiety and stress because we are living in a constant state of worry, which may affect how we handle our relationship.

We really try hard to be our best for our partners. We try as much as we can to reciprocate their efforts and appreciate the things they do for us, even if we may not be the best partner in the world. But no matter what we do, there might be feelings of doubt, fear, and uncertainty that can frequently play inside our heads because that's just how our brain works. Overthinking can hurt our partner because it may give them a hard time, especially when things are not going smoothly.

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Although we can't force our brains to stop overthinking, we can try to be more mindful of what we express and be more present at the moment. We can also try communicating with our partners whenever we are feeling anxious or stressed about something, so that they would know how to comfort us better.

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Another thing that we need is assurance from our partner or spouse. 💏  No matter what happens, whatever mistakes we might have made and regardless of the things we failed to do, we need to know that they are still there for us. Knowing that we have their support helps us get through the tough times. 

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All these can make a huge difference in our relationship, provided that we also put our best foot forward to counter the ADHD effect that might hinder us from doing well.

Having Random Intrusive Thoughts

With adult ADHD, a person may feel intense emotions and there can be times when we get distracted by our own thoughts that spoil the moment of intimacy or seriousness. This behavior toward our loved ones might cause a misunderstanding, or they might feel we are not taking them seriously. However, please remember that random intrusive thoughts can be natural because we tend to have a hyperactive brain.

Sometimes, a person with ADHD might have a great time with their partner, but then they could get distracted by their thoughts 😔 and start thinking about other things unrelated to the conversation. It might even happen in the middle of an argument wherein we tend to forget what we are talking about because our brain just gets too overwhelmed.

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It is important to talk to your partner honestly to make them feel that you are interested in what they are saying 👂. You can try to be more mindful of the conversation by giving them your full attention and making sure that you understand what they are trying to say. Always maintain eye contact when discussing serious matters or during playful moments to show them that you are present. We all know that our impulse control can sometimes be weak, but it is still essential to be more patient and understand what they are saying before reacting.

Emotional Dysregulation

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder can affect one's executive functioning, further complicating how we manage our emotions. Research shows that some people with ADHD often have trouble identifying and expressing their feelings and emotions, which can result in problems in their social life and relationship.

Another thing that can be a struggle for us is heartbreak. When faced with a tough time and our loved one chose a different path than ours, it may be hard for us to accept it. These instances may result in self-blame and think of ourselves as a failure because of our mistakes. But as long as we stay true to our feelings and we know we did our best, there's nothing to regret.

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We should not lose hope that everything will eventually fall into place. There are still a lot of good things in store for us. We need to be more patient and accept that some people are not meant to stay in our lives forever. Treasure your past relationships like a learning curve, so you will know what to do and what not to do in future relationships.

Remember to Ask for Professional Help

You may try to speak up to your friends or family about your relationship and seek advice from them regarding the things you are struggling with. But, it is also essential to remember that not everyone would understand what you are going through. It would be best to consult a professional for help 👩‍⚕️  so that they can give you more specific tips on how to deal with your struggles.

Take care of your mental health, and don't let your ADHD become a hindrance in your relationships. ❤️ Your therapist may advise you to do self-care activities or join a support group for people with ADHD. These things can help you feel better about yourself and learn from others who are also struggling with the same neurodivergent disorder. Look for a community that can support your emotions and difficulties; this can help you not feel alone in this journey. Finding an outlet where you can express your thoughts and feelings without being judged is also important.